Posted: 2005-01-14 / Author: Peter Murphy
Dealing With Difficult People - The 3 SecretsDealing With Difficult People : Life is all about choices. And so is the way you communicate. You can fill your days with frustrating high stress communication or you can have days of low stress effective communication with your peers and even with difficult people.
Now take a moment to learn three secrets to having low stress communication.
1 Recognize Positive Intentions
When someone you are talking to is unkind, negative or downright rude it is easy to get annoyed, angry and even aggressive.
However this will just makes the situation worse and even faster than you can imagine.
There is a better way. Instead look for the positive intention of the person you are talking to. What do I mean?
Ask yourself -- what is the positive intention behind this behavior?
If the person you are talking to is angry maybe the positive intention is to express some hurt or frustration. What is important is looking for a positive not to get the correct answer.
When you assume the person has a positive message hidden underneath the negative exterior you will have more compassion and patience and you will not feel so stressed dealing with the individual.
2 Choose Your Own Emotional State
I often talk about managing your emotional state. Why? Because it is an essential life skill.
Unless you are in charge of how you feel your ability to communicate effectively will always be limited and dependent on other people.
When you are in a potentially stressful situation and everyone around you is losing their cool this does not mean you have to join them! You will be able to contribute a lot more if you remain calm and centered.
Staying calm and resourceful is a choice you can make. Unfortunately it is all too easy to be a sheep and simply follow the crowd. Nobody says you have to be a sheep!
Instead make a point of keeping yourself in a resourceful state.
3 Step Outside The Situation
Whenever I am in a highly charged situation I will often step outside the situation -- in my mind. This helps to defuse the event for me.
You can do this too.
Simply imagine that you are at the other end of the room watching the interaction between you and the other person or people.
It is as if you are a neutral observer with no emotional involvement in the discussion at hand.
When you do this you will think of ideas to handle the situation better and you will also feel less bothered by the stress of the other people.
This is one technique you need to play with first in easy everyday conversations. Once you get familiar with it you will find it easy to mentally step outside the event while still participating with the people in front of you.
Stress or relaxation which do you prefer?
Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com/report.htm
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